Marriage Help- Get a New Mindset

In the business world, the right mindset makes the difference between success or failure. Without a laser focus mentality and a willingness to sacrifice time and money and energy, any business will fail. If an entrepreneur isn’t completely convinced that his/her idea can be prosperous, he/she has already lost. So is the case with marriage.

**…whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. ** Philippians 4:8

If one enters a marriage thinking there are certain things that will end it, those things will probably happen. If marriage is approached with the idea that it is temporary or that “we’ll just see how it goes”, the marriage will end in divorce. Every couple needs to enter marriage with the idea that it is for life. Their mindset has to be that no matter what happens or what is said, there is a way to overcome it.

married couple

Our verse from Philippians 4 offers a long list of advice on how to have the right Mindset in marriage or in any relationship. Let’s take a quick look at the list

**Whatsoever things are true**

It is easy to get caught up in our imaginations instead of focusing on what is really true. In our post on Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff we talked about not letting little things become big things. Today’s post reminds us again to not let our minds run amok with half truths. The real truth is that in any relationship we all have flaws. We do, and our spouse does. But if we only focus on the flaws, we will never see the good qualities that we both have to offer to the relationship. The truth is that each of us has shortcomings, but both partners bring their talents, gifts, and strengths to the relationship as well. When we focus on those more positive aspects of our relationship, it will help us to overlook the flaws and to not give them more emotional attention than they need to have.

** whatsoever things are honest**

Goes along with the idea of not giving so much attention to the negative things that happen in any relationship. People are flawed. We lose our temper, we say things we shouldn’t say. Being honest about human relationships will help us to focus on the reality that the Lord can fix whatever problem that comes up. Being honest about the impossibility of perfection in anyone will make it easier to practice forgiveness, and to start each day with the same mercies that the Lord showers on us every day.

** whatsoever things are just… and pure**

What measuring stick do we use in what is just and pure? Our emotions? Our family traditions? Our culture? Or is the Lord’s idea of just and pure the way that we judge our spouse? Do we expect our spouse to be as perfect as God? Do we have too high a standard for him or her? Do we expect them to have every detail of life and marriage and relationships figured out on the day that we marry? Do we have it all figured out? Do we have a higher standard for them than we do for ourselves?

** whatsoever things are lovely,…good report**

Mindset has to do with what we think about all day long. Are we focusing on the best qualities of our spouse or do we harp on his/her mistakes? Is our mindset to always think the best of them or are we constantly picking on every little thing that they do that we don’t like? Is it realistic that we are the only one that always has to be right? Do we really work at listening and seeing our spouse for all the good that is in them? Or are we critical and demeaning every time they do any little thing we don’t like. Mindset can build or mindset can destroy any relation ship.

** if there be any virtue,…any praise**—**think on these things**

There it is…Mindset….think on the virtues of your partner…What are their strengths, their gifts, their talents, the reasons that you fell in love with him/her? Do we remember the good times? The perfect days? Do we encourage and praise them for their accomplishments or just for trying to do what is right? Can we make a good long list of all of the attributes of our spouse? Do we brag on our spouse to others?

This passage from Philippians gives us so much to think about and to work on in our own thoughts and in our marriages. Each of us can work on our Mindset and how we approach our relationships. The Bible does not give us a 5 second, magic wand fix to our mindset….but it does give us the guidelines to get our Marriage Mindset on healthier ground. Marriage and a healthy Mindset take work, focus, and daily discipline, no matter how many years we have been married. We all need to fight against the negative thoughts that can accumulate in our minds. Thoughts that can cause discontent, disloyalty, a critical spirit, and disagreements. Thoughts that become words and actions that tear away at the promises we made to each other.

Mindset is key. Our thought life can make or break our most precious relationships.

2 thoughts on “Marriage Help- Get a New Mindset”

  1. Hi CUz, just letting you know Im still here, just backed up a bit on your posts, this was so true in my oiwn relationship and how the Lord identifies it, thank you for the clarification

    1. I’m glad the post gave you some clarity, Nancy and it is great to hear from you again! No worries, though, we are up to our necks with Christmas program preparations. Would really appreciate prayers for it to go well and that visitors would be touched by its message. It is on the Holiness of God. Love and prayers for you, and have a very merry Christmas!

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